The past four weekends were story telling weekend.
First weekend was cinco de mayo weekend which was amazing, I got to work had an amazing even for my Race and social Justice Class. We also went out to Some OSU parties... which are fun haha, always nights to remember =D
Second weekend I was off to corvallis again, this time because most frats where back from shasta from the past weekend there was a TKE military party which was great but super hot in the basment. my friend and I left and hit up my other friends frat... here is the story my friend was no where to be found so a random dude let us in... guess what ha I took one for the team and chewed up a goldfish, worth it though in the long run ;D let me just say... another extreme sushi eating at another level ha... then Sunday was church which is always great because I love god and I'm never afraid to say it!
I also go to so one of my best girlfriends which she is so awesome and make some yougurt from scratch... it filled my taste buds! She is practically the coolest girl who is not family member... Derp! Well we took pictures together for the first time... crazy we have been friends for the longest time but we never found a single picture... we changed that =D
Third week... well I posted it my mind went crazy before hitting up the 420 house in corvallis, to my knowledge because I am a camacho I could be accepted anywhere ha. I was busting flips outside in the trampoline so I was a main attraction ;D anyways so on so forth hit the emergency room and its not untill today that I have fully recoverd I feel fine now... but the hospital waz crazy... felt like dying, glad to be alive still! #lovelife! #LiveLaughLove btw good words to live by!
4th weekend I had girls over for the concert... usher and akon, they spent the night here and all, played some call of duty! They all right... def not better than me haha I love call of duty!
Anyways went to seattle watched mexico vs ecuador sat in club seats, saw gio and memo! Which awesome! Whent to the space needle saw cool people then went to a mexican party! I love dancing! It has been forever since I've danced to mexican music so I danced a lot! Well I slept woke up got dropped of in Chahalis phone died called up a friend walked up I5 got stopped by the cops rode the back seat, read harry potter for ever... good book btw! Stranded alone no phone for 4 hours! Met roomates grandma... she's awesome.. went to the casino gambled was great and now I'm laying in bed typing this on my phone cool!
This week is time to study and get good grades for my final term before summer! So today is all study maybe a cod or harry potter break but all time for studies today!
Well adios amigos!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Eyes
Just a little Free-write, Poetry?? ha
They are there, I can see.
The vision blinds me, hurts me.
Sadly the still love me.
Its dark, I can't see.
Where is the light switch, where are you?
I hear you, I can sense you... But My eyes cant see you.
I hurt, shocks of heavy vibrations from my toe to my ears.
Hearts beating faster, faster, and faster.
Blood flow and the eyes are still there.
Thoughts are still there.
Where is the light switch, Where are you?
I cant touch you for some reason.
I cant walk up and speak.
But my eyes, My eyes connect with yours.
But why can they connect when its dark?
If I could touch and hold, I would give up my eyes to do so.
I would give up oxygen to feel your touch.
Im gone, my eyes are falling apart.
Im drowning, help me... Please I beg you.
I cannot swim, my arms, legs are dysfunctional.
as if I were stunned.
Im underwater, nobody is helping.
Drowning in to the deep water, darkness down below.
Up above my eyes see light.
Sun rays shooting through the water.
I stop paying attention to my breathing.
The rays look beautiful, Dont they?
I dont see you.
no signs of help.
My eyes see the water and the sun light.
I am still drowning, but why am I not feeling pain.
I am going to die, Drowning.
But my eyes find this so beautiful.
My eyes begin to drift away... You are long gone.
I am going to die Here today.
Glad my eyes get to see something beautiful before death.
I wish it were you, but I got this.
What a Wonderful Death.
-Isaac Camacho
They are there, I can see.
The vision blinds me, hurts me.
Sadly the still love me.
Its dark, I can't see.
Where is the light switch, where are you?
I hear you, I can sense you... But My eyes cant see you.
I hurt, shocks of heavy vibrations from my toe to my ears.
Hearts beating faster, faster, and faster.
Blood flow and the eyes are still there.
Thoughts are still there.
Where is the light switch, Where are you?
I cant touch you for some reason.
I cant walk up and speak.
But my eyes, My eyes connect with yours.
But why can they connect when its dark?
If I could touch and hold, I would give up my eyes to do so.
I would give up oxygen to feel your touch.
Im gone, my eyes are falling apart.
Im drowning, help me... Please I beg you.
I cannot swim, my arms, legs are dysfunctional.
as if I were stunned.
Im underwater, nobody is helping.
Drowning in to the deep water, darkness down below.
Up above my eyes see light.
Sun rays shooting through the water.
I stop paying attention to my breathing.
The rays look beautiful, Dont they?
I dont see you.
no signs of help.
My eyes see the water and the sun light.
I am still drowning, but why am I not feeling pain.
I am going to die, Drowning.
But my eyes find this so beautiful.
My eyes begin to drift away... You are long gone.
I am going to die Here today.
Glad my eyes get to see something beautiful before death.
I wish it were you, but I got this.
What a Wonderful Death.
-Isaac Camacho
Monday, May 23, 2011
ER
Last weekend was crazy, One Trip to the Emergency Room.
No joke I thought I was going to die, the sad part it I cant really explain what happend. One second I was all find ready for bed, and another second I was puking my lungs out.
I was diagnosed with Vertigo, Basically an ear infection causing irritation. Well I got this intense dizziness. I started seeing illusions, my vision was in pencil sketch. Heres a picture...
Lets pretend that was my Left hand I was looking at, Thats how I was seeing things.
I washed my face and looked in the mirror and i saw a little girl in my bath tub. Anything I thought of would come to life, I couldn't tell the difference between my thoughts and real life. Stuff started blowing up life fireworks, Things Shapeshifting. If I could possibly explain this would be Stressing so much lately. I guess those are one of the reasons a person can get vertigo. Who knows Im no Expert. What Is Vertigo?
I got prescribed Mecizine and Promethazine... I have only taken Promethazine, and It makes me feel tired and numb all over. I'm supposed to take four a day but I stopped. With two of them I cant speak sentences. With one Im just stuck in my mind the whole day.
Anyways I'm alive though.
I downloaded the Relapse album that Eminem did, Good songs I have to say.
Im tired of listening to Music with lyrics especially when they bring back bad memories.
Last week I decided to Get help with my Break up issues, I never ask for help... I rather help others, and keep everything to myself... As long as someone else is happy that good for me. I still ask myself why... Why did it happen. Its the little shit that makes me think of her, the little shit. Sometimes I do think what if we got back together, Im not gonna lie about shit thats the truth. I always think why did she break up. I controlled a room? an education? This is hard for me, But I guess its only getting better.
-Isaac Camacho
What Is Vertigo?
No joke I thought I was going to die, the sad part it I cant really explain what happend. One second I was all find ready for bed, and another second I was puking my lungs out.
I was diagnosed with Vertigo, Basically an ear infection causing irritation. Well I got this intense dizziness. I started seeing illusions, my vision was in pencil sketch. Heres a picture...
I washed my face and looked in the mirror and i saw a little girl in my bath tub. Anything I thought of would come to life, I couldn't tell the difference between my thoughts and real life. Stuff started blowing up life fireworks, Things Shapeshifting. If I could possibly explain this would be Stressing so much lately. I guess those are one of the reasons a person can get vertigo. Who knows Im no Expert. What Is Vertigo?
I got prescribed Mecizine and Promethazine... I have only taken Promethazine, and It makes me feel tired and numb all over. I'm supposed to take four a day but I stopped. With two of them I cant speak sentences. With one Im just stuck in my mind the whole day.
Anyways I'm alive though.
I downloaded the Relapse album that Eminem did, Good songs I have to say.
Im tired of listening to Music with lyrics especially when they bring back bad memories.
Last week I decided to Get help with my Break up issues, I never ask for help... I rather help others, and keep everything to myself... As long as someone else is happy that good for me. I still ask myself why... Why did it happen. Its the little shit that makes me think of her, the little shit. Sometimes I do think what if we got back together, Im not gonna lie about shit thats the truth. I always think why did she break up. I controlled a room? an education? This is hard for me, But I guess its only getting better.
-Isaac Camacho
What Is Vertigo?
Monday, May 16, 2011
It creeps up...
Today it creeped up on my pretty bad, haven't teared up in like 2 weeks till today. Mainly because I found a letter on my computer left from her. Its in the trash now (Computer Trash that is). What I have left of hers... A hair pin that is on my backpack (I dont know why I carry it on me, I just do), a diary that she gave me on valentines, Another paper she wrote to me while in class, One of her class homework papers. That is all that is left... oh wait yeah... she gave me Call Of Duty "Black Ops" for Christmas. Now thats all thats left.
If there is a good way to put it, my heart feels like Ron's wand that is broken on the chamber of secrets and cannot be mended (Yeah I'm A Harry Potter Nerd what can I say ;D)
Thats how I feel now. I might not have a lot left but I have amazing Memories and Memories are Forever.
I am trying to get better, and it going slow. Seeing other couples together sucks, seeing them all happy and shit. Username still saved on my computer, today I was tuning my Guitar the G note to be specific and I thought of her, Her family Called her "G".
I have kept close contact with Her brother though, we have a lot in common that I thought. He is a chill kid, reminds me of my freshman year ha. Ill be seeing him next weekend, Palo's anyone??
ha well Isaac should start getting to do his homework got a big test tomorrow.
Adios Amigos, Esta es la Vida de Une Camacho!
If there is a good way to put it, my heart feels like Ron's wand that is broken on the chamber of secrets and cannot be mended (Yeah I'm A Harry Potter Nerd what can I say ;D)
Thats how I feel now. I might not have a lot left but I have amazing Memories and Memories are Forever.
I am trying to get better, and it going slow. Seeing other couples together sucks, seeing them all happy and shit. Username still saved on my computer, today I was tuning my Guitar the G note to be specific and I thought of her, Her family Called her "G".
I have kept close contact with Her brother though, we have a lot in common that I thought. He is a chill kid, reminds me of my freshman year ha. Ill be seeing him next weekend, Palo's anyone??
ha well Isaac should start getting to do his homework got a big test tomorrow.
Adios Amigos, Esta es la Vida de Une Camacho!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Dreams...
Yesterday I started having dreams about her... today I had more. Once I realize I'm in a dream and she is there I get out as fast as possible, these dreams aren't happy ones... my mind is showing me everything I don't want to see. Today I did something though, I can control my dreams sometimes, she was there again, Cuddling in bed I put my arm over her. She got up quick as said I can't be with you, I'm going with william, he is a lawyer... then I woke up. I tried to control the dream because I have forgot the feel of her in my arms, but its been so long that the dream didn't work in that way. I told myself one last time before I fell back asleep that I wasn't goingto dream again about her. I didn't I make my self dream about today and I could control time. Well verizon is down I can't text or call... and no the world isn't ending. One of the towers is just down that's all. Big beerhoodie party today 700+ people going to be there, camo themed. Everybody welcomed. Trying to get 1000+ people, so just wear camo and your in ha. Well a ton of my friends will be there so tonight well be great... its at TKE.
Well adios amigos!
Well adios amigos!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Would Have been...
Today Would have been 5 months, Its so weird. Five months does not seem like a lot does it. My longest relationship was exactly 8 months. Why did this one feel longer? well I have thought up some Ideas why. I spent way more time with my other Ex. We did so much together, and shared amazing memories together. One thing for sure, Her family and I were and still are Im guessing pretty close. I myself am a family guy, I love my family. Her family and I were pretty close. We dated for only 5 months but have known each other since beginning of the year. We both said that it felt years being together, I dont know if that was good or bad... anyways.
I want to say something about Love. Yes if you spell it backwards it is EVOL (evil) haha joke.
Love is hard thing to find. What is love? I think Everybody in this world has only one Love. Like Soul-mates. Some find there partner they are destined to be with and some never find their true love. True Love is Forever, in my opinion... at least till death... but I think you can still love each other in heaven that is =D
I don't consider my past relationships being in Love, at least being really in love. I told all my girlfriends I loved them, and more to my recent Ex. She was my love at the time, You "were" my everything... at the time. I did think we were going to be together for a long time, we both did actually. Why would you date someone that you knew you weren't going to last... Its just pointless. I just thought her and I were ment to be together... But I guess now we will never know.
Love is out there... Somewhere... It will hit you unexpectedly. Don't go looking for love, you wont find it... Let it come to you.
This is a song that really was close to how I felt.
This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn?t realize it at the time
I can?t forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don?t really expect you to either
It?s just... I don?t even know
Just listen?
You?re the one that I want, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I?m sorry about the pain I made you feel
That wasn?t me; let me show you the way
I looked for the sun, but it?s raining today
I remember when I first looked into your eyes
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies
I wore a disguise 'cause I didn?t want to get hurt
But I didn?t know I made everything worse
You told me we were crazy in love
But you didn?t care when push came to shove
If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn?t have hurt me like I ain?t shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly
I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don?t know how I could do you so wrong
I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one else could know you
You?re number one, always in my heart
And now I can?t believe that our love is torn apart
[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ?cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]
I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man
And then sit and laugh as you?re holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart
At times we was off I was scared to show you
Now I wanna hold you until I can?t hold you
Without you, everything seems strange
Your name is forever planted in my brain
Damn it, I?m insane,
Take away the pain
Take away the hurt
Baby, we can make it work
What about when you
Looked into my eyes
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/you-were-my-everything-lyrics-aviation.html ]
Told me you loved me
As you would hugged me
I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
Now I?m not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly, my love is not blind
[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ?cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]
[Talking:]
I just wish everything could have turned out differently
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
You would understand, but?
No matter what, you?ll always be in my heart
You?ll always be my baby
Our first day, it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when you first came to my house?
You looked like an angel wearing that blouse
We hit it off, I knew it was real
But now I can?t take all the pain that I feel
Reach in your heart, I know I?m still there
I don?t wanna hear that you no longer care
Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn?t think you would ever do me like this
I didn?t think you?d wanna see me depressed
I thought you?d be there for me, this I confess
You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?
Now I?m nothing to you, you?re with another guy
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I?m trying
Now on the inside it feels like I?m dying
[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ?cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]
[Talking:]
And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we?ll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy
I want to say something about Love. Yes if you spell it backwards it is EVOL (evil) haha joke.
Love is hard thing to find. What is love? I think Everybody in this world has only one Love. Like Soul-mates. Some find there partner they are destined to be with and some never find their true love. True Love is Forever, in my opinion... at least till death... but I think you can still love each other in heaven that is =D
I don't consider my past relationships being in Love, at least being really in love. I told all my girlfriends I loved them, and more to my recent Ex. She was my love at the time, You "were" my everything... at the time. I did think we were going to be together for a long time, we both did actually. Why would you date someone that you knew you weren't going to last... Its just pointless. I just thought her and I were ment to be together... But I guess now we will never know.
Love is out there... Somewhere... It will hit you unexpectedly. Don't go looking for love, you wont find it... Let it come to you.
This is a song that really was close to how I felt.
This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn?t realize it at the time
I can?t forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don?t really expect you to either
It?s just... I don?t even know
Just listen?
You?re the one that I want, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I?m sorry about the pain I made you feel
That wasn?t me; let me show you the way
I looked for the sun, but it?s raining today
I remember when I first looked into your eyes
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies
I wore a disguise 'cause I didn?t want to get hurt
But I didn?t know I made everything worse
You told me we were crazy in love
But you didn?t care when push came to shove
If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn?t have hurt me like I ain?t shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly
I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don?t know how I could do you so wrong
I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one else could know you
You?re number one, always in my heart
And now I can?t believe that our love is torn apart
[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ?cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]
I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man
And then sit and laugh as you?re holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart
At times we was off I was scared to show you
Now I wanna hold you until I can?t hold you
Without you, everything seems strange
Your name is forever planted in my brain
Damn it, I?m insane,
Take away the pain
Take away the hurt
Baby, we can make it work
What about when you
Looked into my eyes
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/you-were-my-everything-lyrics-aviation.html ]
Told me you loved me
As you would hugged me
I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
Now I?m not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly, my love is not blind
[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ?cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]
[Talking:]
I just wish everything could have turned out differently
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
You would understand, but?
No matter what, you?ll always be in my heart
You?ll always be my baby
Our first day, it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when you first came to my house?
You looked like an angel wearing that blouse
We hit it off, I knew it was real
But now I can?t take all the pain that I feel
Reach in your heart, I know I?m still there
I don?t wanna hear that you no longer care
Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn?t think you would ever do me like this
I didn?t think you?d wanna see me depressed
I thought you?d be there for me, this I confess
You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?
Now I?m nothing to you, you?re with another guy
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I?m trying
Now on the inside it feels like I?m dying
[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you ?cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]
[Talking:]
And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we?ll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy
Monday, May 9, 2011
9 Days
(sorry I dont Got pictures)
As I said, I would post an update on the 9th day of the break up. Mainly because my mother said it takes that long for a Heart to heal after a break up. Im going to say right now... I am not yet fully cured. I can understand though what my mother is trying to say. I am not crying anymore, I know now we aren't getting back together.
I was born in corvallis, this past weekend I went back. I had to work for Cinco de Mayo, but I also needed corvallis because portland after the breakup felt distance. Nothing... I mean Nothing was the same anymore without her. Everything Changed. Its so weird to say my Ex Girlfriend... Like oh my Ex Girlfriend was a bitch... wait I mean my Ex Ex Girlfriend. Im just not used to it yet. Anyways I went out with friends and stuff to hangout around town, But it wasn't the same without her... Obviously though... Anyone could see that coming. At the end of the week Its just missing her ya know? Typical breakup feeling though.
So... We talked, Just want to clear up for everybody... now that I know (people have been asking why we broke up). She though I was controlling her, like I wanted to change her, change who she was born to be...(Lady Gaga - Born this way) ha little joke. Well I guess I tried to change her, I think she didn't like that... I mean who would like somebody that was trying to change them. Makes you feel like they dont like you for who you are... know what I mean?
I said sorry already for trying to change her, I stopped doing it at the end I guess... But that shit sticks forever. I suppose all I wanted was for her to do great in life, She was stressed a lot. Yes, I did tell her to not to procrastinate, and yes I wasn't the biggest fan of her messy room (That is because i got a bad infection in high school from some serious bed bugs, ever since i've taken a shower before bed and cleaning my sheets often). Yes, I didn't like the fact she went out to parties and did some other things, I guess I just didn't want her waking up and feeling like shit and not wanting to do nothing the rest of the day. Its her life and I fucked up for trying to control that, I fucked up for trying to change who she was, I should have left her to procrastinate, I should of not told her to clean her room, I shouldn't have said anything. I guess when you love some one so much, you want whats best for them, I just though thats what caused her stressed. Trying to help I only made it worse. Im so so so so sorry that I hurt her like that, it makes a nice guy fucking crumble, hit rock bottum when he heres that. Jerk, Mean, Fool, that hurts. I hate when people call me that, but this one I deserve which sucks. I didn't know I was being mean.
Well its over now. She's been doing way better without me too, which I am happy. Getting all her work done, staying on top of things... I got to say i'm Proud of her. She's a strong girl. As long as she's on top of her game, she's not stressed, and I see her smile, laugh and be happy. Im fine with that, more than fine actually. I care about everybody, I dont believe in the word hate. Live Laugh and Love.
Anyways... Keep you guys posted, Thanks for taking the time to read my blog =D
p.s.
Next blog will be about what I have left.
-Isaac Camacho Castillo
As I said, I would post an update on the 9th day of the break up. Mainly because my mother said it takes that long for a Heart to heal after a break up. Im going to say right now... I am not yet fully cured. I can understand though what my mother is trying to say. I am not crying anymore, I know now we aren't getting back together.
I was born in corvallis, this past weekend I went back. I had to work for Cinco de Mayo, but I also needed corvallis because portland after the breakup felt distance. Nothing... I mean Nothing was the same anymore without her. Everything Changed. Its so weird to say my Ex Girlfriend... Like oh my Ex Girlfriend was a bitch... wait I mean my Ex Ex Girlfriend. Im just not used to it yet. Anyways I went out with friends and stuff to hangout around town, But it wasn't the same without her... Obviously though... Anyone could see that coming. At the end of the week Its just missing her ya know? Typical breakup feeling though.
So... We talked, Just want to clear up for everybody... now that I know (people have been asking why we broke up). She though I was controlling her, like I wanted to change her, change who she was born to be...(Lady Gaga - Born this way) ha little joke. Well I guess I tried to change her, I think she didn't like that... I mean who would like somebody that was trying to change them. Makes you feel like they dont like you for who you are... know what I mean?
I said sorry already for trying to change her, I stopped doing it at the end I guess... But that shit sticks forever. I suppose all I wanted was for her to do great in life, She was stressed a lot. Yes, I did tell her to not to procrastinate, and yes I wasn't the biggest fan of her messy room (That is because i got a bad infection in high school from some serious bed bugs, ever since i've taken a shower before bed and cleaning my sheets often). Yes, I didn't like the fact she went out to parties and did some other things, I guess I just didn't want her waking up and feeling like shit and not wanting to do nothing the rest of the day. Its her life and I fucked up for trying to control that, I fucked up for trying to change who she was, I should have left her to procrastinate, I should of not told her to clean her room, I shouldn't have said anything. I guess when you love some one so much, you want whats best for them, I just though thats what caused her stressed. Trying to help I only made it worse. Im so so so so sorry that I hurt her like that, it makes a nice guy fucking crumble, hit rock bottum when he heres that. Jerk, Mean, Fool, that hurts. I hate when people call me that, but this one I deserve which sucks. I didn't know I was being mean.
Well its over now. She's been doing way better without me too, which I am happy. Getting all her work done, staying on top of things... I got to say i'm Proud of her. She's a strong girl. As long as she's on top of her game, she's not stressed, and I see her smile, laugh and be happy. Im fine with that, more than fine actually. I care about everybody, I dont believe in the word hate. Live Laugh and Love.
Anyways... Keep you guys posted, Thanks for taking the time to read my blog =D
p.s.
Next blog will be about what I have left.
-Isaac Camacho Castillo
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Freewrite rap
Hey its the day when I'm sitting on the leather seat.
Better go hard tonight feelin the creap
I'm a lazy ass going down the drain
Crazy as mother fucker going insane
So kill me kill me but you can't cuz I'm on fire
2 hour sleep in 40 hours but I'm wired
Call me a lier please ha do it
Ill do it hard to screw it.
Better go hard tonight feelin the creap
I'm a lazy ass going down the drain
Crazy as mother fucker going insane
So kill me kill me but you can't cuz I'm on fire
2 hour sleep in 40 hours but I'm wired
Call me a lier please ha do it
Ill do it hard to screw it.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Pain Part 2
I feel it... My heart pounding throughout my body. I can see my shirt lift up at every pulse. I can feel the Blood Flowing threw my veins. I have suffered, I feel discomfort as I sleep. This week was a challenge. It sucks not talking to you. I had class with you, I sat at the far end... Alone. No more sitting by you, no more handing you Notes... No more seeing that beautiful face of yours turning around, looking into my eyes as you smile. You will never reach for my hand again, hold my finger. That day was painful, painful it was. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, I couldn't speak... My heart was pulsing in my throat. I left class to take a couple hits from my inhaler. Why me?
My family, and Friends didn't see the break up coming, I guess I didn't either. It hurts when they ask about what happened, I just wish it never did, or wish Time was fast forward to where things were better. My dad asked about you as soon as I got home, He never asks about my Girlfriends, never. He asked about you, and asked why I hadn't' brought you. Is she back home in Washington? How is she doing? He asked. In reply I said no she is in portland, and she is fine. I was happy because he asked, sad because it was no longer present. I am slowly healing from this pain, Slowly. I've had more dreams about you in the past week than in the whole time we knew each other.
I want everybody to know My Ex is an amazing girl, and was the best girlfriend i've had in my entire life. She was so Spectacular, truly gods master piece. Her smile was powerful. Her Dorky-ness was adorable. How could I not want to be with a girl like that. She is smart, she really is... that is if she puts her mind to it. Everything seemed so percy perfect between us. You know ha that cute couple you randomly see walking holding hands laughing, as you say... Awwww, What a cute couple. I can go on and on about the fun things between us. She isn't evil for leaving me, she had her own reasons. I can't really remember why she left me. Cousin asked me why? all I can remember was because she was stressed and she couldn't be in a relationship right now. You would expect it to be something like, I dont like you no more... Or I fell for another guy... But no It was Im stressed and I can't be in a relationship right now.
I didn't want to fight for our relationship again... I gave in. I just said whatever. Even though I didn't want that. Why would I want to break up with somebody I truly loved? This part is just saying your not evil, its not your fault for doing this. My family does not hate you, my friends do not hate you, they just don't like seeing me in pain, as anybody wouldn't want to see there loved ones in pain.
I had a dream, you were with another guy having fun. I couldn't wake up, I tried so hard, but I couldn't. It hurts to know you will be with another guy, I feel to know you will dance with another guy, kiss another guy, etc with another guy. I Feel pain Knowing it wont be me anymore. It says to forget and start talking to other girls. Its painful even looking at girls, hard for me to talk. It not the same, its not your voice. I just don't feel your presence. It was your choice, sometimes to love someone you got to let them go. I let you go, so you can see what it feels to be single. Im glad your happy to be single, Im happy theres guys already talking to you. Single? What? "I just am :)"
When you find that next guy, he better treat you ten times better than I did. I want him to say Goodnight every night, cuddle you extra hard. Hold you, make you laugh. Kiss you, in a way you Enjoy. I want him to be the one. I want him to hold you when your sad, help you through the hard times. I want him to love you for who you are, I want him to be dorky with you, and not make fun of you. I want him to be your perfect. I want him to be what I could never be with you. I want him to take you around the world... Go to Europe. I want you to enjoy the views as you hold him to your side. If he is not what you asks for, and he treats you wrong. He better not get close to me. If he hurts you, breaks your heart... He will get it... You deserve only good. As long as you are happy I am happy too. I still care about you a lot. I don't think ill change my opinion of you. I dont hate you, why would I hate you when you did nothing wrong. I thought the break up would be easier if I had something to hate... I had nothing, Because with you and I, I felt like... like... IDK.... I felt like I could control time. Im glad I got to meet you. You are a wonderful Lady. Thanks for everything.
P.S.
I wouldn't have never started reading Harry Potter if it weren't for you. You pushed me, and now I am doing it on my own :) there is so much more things I can say thanks for.
So much things we didn't get to do... maybe one day we can do them... as friends.
Thanks for letting me meet a wonderful family... Im so chill with your bro, your sis is a dancer! (which is awesome) Your mom Is practically a cool mom! Your dad is just a great guy. Davis... what a character... and cutter... well that dog... he needs love too ha.
Pain is easing off slowly, it gets a little better everyday... then you figure out after a lot of days you got a lot of a little.
P.S.S.
That would be great if we got Starbucks tomorrow before UNI. We may not be together but these silent sprees have got to stop.
Well
XOxOooXXxOo
(Big Hug, Big Kiss, Little Hug, Big Kiss, Little Kiss, Little Kiss, Big hug, Big hug, Little Hug, Big Kiss, Little kiss)
My family, and Friends didn't see the break up coming, I guess I didn't either. It hurts when they ask about what happened, I just wish it never did, or wish Time was fast forward to where things were better. My dad asked about you as soon as I got home, He never asks about my Girlfriends, never. He asked about you, and asked why I hadn't' brought you. Is she back home in Washington? How is she doing? He asked. In reply I said no she is in portland, and she is fine. I was happy because he asked, sad because it was no longer present. I am slowly healing from this pain, Slowly. I've had more dreams about you in the past week than in the whole time we knew each other.
I want everybody to know My Ex is an amazing girl, and was the best girlfriend i've had in my entire life. She was so Spectacular, truly gods master piece. Her smile was powerful. Her Dorky-ness was adorable. How could I not want to be with a girl like that. She is smart, she really is... that is if she puts her mind to it. Everything seemed so percy perfect between us. You know ha that cute couple you randomly see walking holding hands laughing, as you say... Awwww, What a cute couple. I can go on and on about the fun things between us. She isn't evil for leaving me, she had her own reasons. I can't really remember why she left me. Cousin asked me why? all I can remember was because she was stressed and she couldn't be in a relationship right now. You would expect it to be something like, I dont like you no more... Or I fell for another guy... But no It was Im stressed and I can't be in a relationship right now.
I didn't want to fight for our relationship again... I gave in. I just said whatever. Even though I didn't want that. Why would I want to break up with somebody I truly loved? This part is just saying your not evil, its not your fault for doing this. My family does not hate you, my friends do not hate you, they just don't like seeing me in pain, as anybody wouldn't want to see there loved ones in pain.
I had a dream, you were with another guy having fun. I couldn't wake up, I tried so hard, but I couldn't. It hurts to know you will be with another guy, I feel to know you will dance with another guy, kiss another guy, etc with another guy. I Feel pain Knowing it wont be me anymore. It says to forget and start talking to other girls. Its painful even looking at girls, hard for me to talk. It not the same, its not your voice. I just don't feel your presence. It was your choice, sometimes to love someone you got to let them go. I let you go, so you can see what it feels to be single. Im glad your happy to be single, Im happy theres guys already talking to you. Single? What? "I just am :)"
When you find that next guy, he better treat you ten times better than I did. I want him to say Goodnight every night, cuddle you extra hard. Hold you, make you laugh. Kiss you, in a way you Enjoy. I want him to be the one. I want him to hold you when your sad, help you through the hard times. I want him to love you for who you are, I want him to be dorky with you, and not make fun of you. I want him to be your perfect. I want him to be what I could never be with you. I want him to take you around the world... Go to Europe. I want you to enjoy the views as you hold him to your side. If he is not what you asks for, and he treats you wrong. He better not get close to me. If he hurts you, breaks your heart... He will get it... You deserve only good. As long as you are happy I am happy too. I still care about you a lot. I don't think ill change my opinion of you. I dont hate you, why would I hate you when you did nothing wrong. I thought the break up would be easier if I had something to hate... I had nothing, Because with you and I, I felt like... like... IDK.... I felt like I could control time. Im glad I got to meet you. You are a wonderful Lady. Thanks for everything.
P.S.
I wouldn't have never started reading Harry Potter if it weren't for you. You pushed me, and now I am doing it on my own :) there is so much more things I can say thanks for.
So much things we didn't get to do... maybe one day we can do them... as friends.
Thanks for letting me meet a wonderful family... Im so chill with your bro, your sis is a dancer! (which is awesome) Your mom Is practically a cool mom! Your dad is just a great guy. Davis... what a character... and cutter... well that dog... he needs love too ha.
Pain is easing off slowly, it gets a little better everyday... then you figure out after a lot of days you got a lot of a little.
P.S.S.
That would be great if we got Starbucks tomorrow before UNI. We may not be together but these silent sprees have got to stop.
Well
XOxOooXXxOo
(Big Hug, Big Kiss, Little Hug, Big Kiss, Little Kiss, Little Kiss, Big hug, Big hug, Little Hug, Big Kiss, Little kiss)
Monday, May 2, 2011
Pain Part 1
Its hard to sleep, waking up to your smell. Your hair left on my sheets. It Hurts that you are not there anymore to stand by me. It hurts to know you left me. Pain is hard to accept, but its there in my heart as of right now. How Do you rid of pain? I have never Felt this before. Anything that reminds me of us hurts me. Yesterday I showered, with the Lights off. I saw the Stars and began to cry. Pain is there, pain is everywhere. Four hours of sleep on the first day, Dreams all fucked up. Waking up you are not there, you are gone. I hurt, I hurt, Deep deep inside. I feel like grabbing a knife to help me remove the pain to happy I want to divide. No more Cooking, no more cuddling, its gone... But this is for the best. Pain is weakness Leaving the body. They can only hurt you if you let them, I gave her my all, I gave her my Love. I gave Her my life. I was nice, I tried to help. Pain is there. I see the pictures, of you having fun. Looking great like always... That was once mine, for now its gone. Tears, Tears falling on the keyboard. Rippling down my check. I struggle to keep you off my mind... but I have to, for its the only way pain will vanish. I write of this because I write pain... Pain thats in me... for I type pain... for one day it will leave me.
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